Dave's 40th Birthday Rant

I am forty years old

I have outlived possum borne and it is true that I have outlived peter blake,

I was not born blake or borne

It was not a mistake

I may be mistaken but it was no mistake

For I was borne not possum borne

Nor sir peter blake

I breathe therefore I am.

40 I am. I am I am.

I didnt want to brag but I have outlived major nz icons. And lets be honest, Edmund hillary cant be with us tonight for obvious reasons. I have outlived him also. I am alive and he is not .currently. The big bee keeper, the papakura papa of napal:

- ed has end-ed, surrender-ed, munt-ed. Dead-ed. So long ed.

Eating mungbeans and peas with the napalese cant of been good for his spleen or his knees

May he ever rest in peace amen

And It was just a mountain honestly, bit over rated just quietly Small mountain - big mountain. Still a mountain I have climbed the mountain of love mount Te Aroha, but I dont harp on about it do i? no

And lets talk about political correctness he knocks the bugger off, which is a little insulting to nandor tenzing tanchos, his sherpa. But, in a world where we are increasingly conscious of our carbon footprint, dead ed decides he wants to spread all his carbon footprints, and carbon elbows and carbon rest of it -all over the waitamata harbour. And blatantly too in front of his own family . ridiculous.

Yes, I have outlived em all.

Possum borne obviously, had it coming, if he had called himself turtle borne, or tuatara borne or squid borne he might have had a fighting chance. How many possums do you know in rest homes? They prefer to burn out those possums. Easy riders. Bad karma. Death wish city.

So I am forty. Have out lived sir ed, no sir possum, and sir PB.

And so what of these years> exactly. Good question. I ask myself these questions. What do they add up to?

A short list:

Survived circumscision, or genital mutilation, at a young age. Why? Im not sure, im not that sensitive about it, well 10% less sensitive anyways.

Successfully fathered 3 children, though one showed no respect calling me dave till he was five

In my former personality as a strummer of guitars have played such luminous venues such as the hillcrest tavern, the gluepot, the powerstation, and kaueranga valley hall. Thought not necessarily to sell out crowds.

In 2007, Successfully reintroduced old school mate terry Hudson to his old flame, the love of his life, , Alison Mchonicie, right here at oakview place.

Have successfully used the hose of my neighbours, but unsuccessfully did not turn off the tap at the wall and successfully completely emptied the familys water tank on to their lawn, unsuccessfully winning friends and influencing people.

Have had a one on one conversation with Dave Dobbyn in his kitchen in grey lynn, with food in my pockets because I was too embarrassed to ask the demigod where his rubbish bin was.

Have met the singer of the b52s in Chicago

Have met Dave Gilmour of pink floyd and have a photo to prove it

Have met jesus but dont have a photo to prove it.

I have been to Mana island in Fiji and wore speedos and thankfully there is no photo to prove it

I have had moments of transendence in the Uruweras where God, not terrorists, hunted me.

Received my first flat top in 1987, personally executed by a pre capitalist Stephen Marr. He went on to better things.,

Had the honoured privilege of being worked over, pummeled one school lunchtime , by one of NZs finest javelin throwers, Gavin Lovegrove. Watching him not win gold was heart warming.

Repeatedly Asked for kahlua and milk on a continental flight to the States to a confused looking American air hostess. I Waited patiently for my drink to arrive. The waitress then handed me a book and some crayons and said here is the couring book you ordered.

I have sung jokerman in public. Though not all the verses. Only the verses I could remember and even then iffy/

Have stolen stations of the cross from the catholics and hidden it in the Hamilton gardens.

Was part of the infamous 3 white brothers, vrs the 3 lee sisters, where we each were going out with the corresponding member of each family. True story. We all went on a day trip together in the same car to coromandel. My conversations skills were only marginally above incompetent. Long day.

Married a phenomenally gracious, woman from

Brisbane in 1995 who is top shelf, top class and still my best friend.

Got into good bye pork pie aged 12, when it was an r13 at the embassy theatre

Got into Dylan in the forth form and never got over it

In the fourth form also, i got lucky with Rhonda Lett, but relationship savagely stunted by my elder brother, who won her affection on her fourth form camp where he was a responsible 6th form leader. Deep burn.

Made the cover of Spam magazine in 1986 with Christian rock parody the revs. Dog collarin, god hollerin covers band. would have played a song or two tonight but the drummer is still on the run in Australia./

Experienced power and immortality when I became a sports monitor, entrusted with a key to the shed at berkley intermediate.. Like the beatles on acid nothing has ever looked the same since.

Have fallen asleep at red lights in Paraparamu and Rangiriri while at the wheel of a motor vehicle.

Have fallen asleep standing up at a u2 concert Have slept through james brown, the matrix, the prison scene in natural born killers, various important meetings and conferences, and in a conversation face to face with brett major in 1996

Smashed my left orbital on someone elses head. playing the beautiful game in tokoroa. Left my head not so beautiful

Flattened my own bicycle tyre outside Susan Fletchers house in silverdale so I could knock on the door and ask for a bike pump.

At this point, I think its entirely appropriate that we think of Graham and Val, that wonderful celestial moment when they embraced and seed was sown that has become the man-pimp that you see before you today. Lets think of them now, of that joyous time, in complete silence:

Thanks 4 comin

(if you thought this rant was crap - it was only cos i said it over the septic tank)